As I’m
setting out for Japan, I’m not really sure that I’m ready to go. In fact, I’m probably not. My Japanese isn't very good, for one
thing. But for some reason, and I cannot
seem to tell what, I’m not really nervous at all. I suppose some of it’s the prep work that
goes into international travel – there really doesn't seem to be time to be
nervous when there hardly seems to be time to pack everything. And it isn't like I haven’t tried to prepare
in other ways; I've read everything and talked to everyone I could find about
the little cultural things I should know, the quirks, small differences, and
basic assumptions that can easily trip up even nigh-fluent speakers. I doubt that will actually be enough (or
that, at least in the earlier parts of the trip, I’ll remember everything) to
avoid a faux pas somewhere, but at least it should indicate that I’m trying,
and lay groundwork for getting better with time and experience.
The other reason
I’m not sure I’m ready to go is that I’m not really sure why I’m going to Japan
in particular. I mean, I have a small
set of stock reasons and answers to give, because not being able to answer is
awkward and sometimes an answer is more or less mandatory, but I can’t actually
come up with a full answer, even to myself. I just sort of decided to take Japanese in the Center for Language Studies (since they didn't offer German, which was actually the language I was
looking to study further at the time) as opposed to Russian (the other language
I considered) for vague reasons that were probably connected to my level of
exposure to their respective cultures and friends with familial ties to those
countries (that latter point also supplies one of my stock answers), and once
I’d done so I guess I sort of felt committed, especially when I transferred to
Beloit.
This isn’t to
imply that I’m doing this purely out of a sense of duty; I love Japan and the
Japanese language (even if I’m bad at it and kanji are at times physically
painful). But it is true, and so I feel
it should be included in a self-reflection essay. It’s not an issue of
whether or not I like Japan, it’s that I’m less sure of why I like Japan in
particular or why I picked it out from the list of countries I am fascinated by
and would love to study in.
But, here I go.
1 comment:
I can definitely relate to feeling unsure about exactly why you chose Japan. I also chose the language more or less at random, and I don't have any great love for Japan. Learning about new cultures in general is something that interests me, but there's not really anything about Japan in particular that draws me in.
But I don't think that it matters. It doesn't have to be some huge, meaningful experience. You don't have to start out thinking that this is going to be the trip that completely changes your life. Relax, take things as they come, enjoy the opportunities you have. Maybe you'll have the most significant moment of your life, maybe it'll be more of an extended vacation. I may never use Japanese again after graduating, but that doesn't mean that I won't learn valuable things about the world just by being immersed in another culture, even if they're a bit hard to quantify.
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